SECUUUURITY!

Bad missionary.

Sucky mom and wife.

Horrible Spanish.

Friend-less.

F-A-T.

Have you ever felt you just can't get any area of your life together?! That even in the slightest moment of victory, the evil one likes to kick you in the shins and say, "YOU'RE WORTHLESS!!!" 

Over the last several weeks I've experienced that evil booger in my face working, even showing himself through the most unexpected people, to remind me that I can't get anything right. 

PLEASE tell me, it's not just me! 

It seems Satan pinpoints the areas that mean the most (work, family, ministry, relationships, etc.) and makes you feel so small. 

It's gotten to the point where I've avoided others and even canceled plans because of my insecurities.

Just this last week we were invited to a social gathering at Josiah's classmates home. I thought of every single excuse I could conjure up until I finally had to admit that I was nervous to speak to new people in Spanish.

It may sound ridiculous to you, but even after 5 years and being married to a Spanish-speaking man... I know my Spanish is not perfect and makes me feel very incompetent. The girls/women that I teach have just gotten used to my errors, but new people don't know me.

I already stand out, I just don't want to sound like an idiot.

SIDE NOTE. I went... and had fun :)

Then areas like motherhood have been a real kick in the gut. I appreciate honesty, but after hearing "How are yooouuuu going to handle TWO?!" enough times really makes me wonder the same thing. An unhealthy reminder that I must have reeeallly messed up my first kid, couldn't even keep my second one alive and might end up in the loony bin with my third.

Do you see how Satan does it?! What a JERK!

I thought this was just a woman problem until I asked Robersy recently. Apparently we all struggle!

But just as quickly as fiery darts have been thrown, CHRIST has stepped in.

No. HE hasn't given me a participation trophy or even stuck a "You're AWESOME!" sticker on my chest. But HE has reminded me of who HE is and who I am IN HIM.

Just the other week I began preparing a new study in Ephesians. SIDE NOTE. If you want to wallow in your insecurities, do not study Ephesians! 

Then, even in the midst of studying Ephesians chapter 1 in depth, I sat in a Biblical Counseling conference where we spent quite a bit of time on understanding our identity in CHRIST.

I found as GOD clarified my identity as HIS daughter... chosen, loved, adopted, etc. was at the forefront of my mind I wasn't so hung up on who I'm not, but rather who HE is!

Now, I'm still not the world's greatest parent. My child doesn't shrill with pure joy at the sight of vegetables or behave like a perfect angel 100% of the time, but I'm honored that the LORD entrusted me with the craziest, most tender-hearted 2 year old little boy. HE will not leave me high and dry with Adelyne either. HE is the perfect FATHER and I'm grateful to glean knowledge, strength and energy from HIM.

This also applies in my roles as wife, missionary, friend... and even in my, uuummm, "growing" state.

How about you? Do you struggle with insecurities? Spend some time understanding WHO GOD is and WHO you are IN HIM. (John 1:12, Eph. 1 - and the whole book really, Romans 15:7, 1 Cor.6:17, etc.).

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Monday through Wednesday of this past week were dedicated completely to Biblical counsel training. Both Robersy and I are thankful to Lily House and their leadership team for giving us the opportunity to better prepare for our areas in ministry.

Thursday was a busy day with baseball for Robersy and teaching for myself. Josiah even went out with me to San Jose and loooooved seeing all the animals and playing with the kids out there. 

We were blessed to spend some time with one of our favorite mission teams on Thursday evening. Syracuse, NY always sends us some of the best! And following dinner a few of the ladies joined myself and the street team for ministry in Boca Chica. We experienced some interesting things, but we are so grateful for GOD's protective hand over the team.

Friday night we had Omar, from San Jose, come and preach at youth group and heard some testimonies from the Syracuse team too.

Saturday, Robersy and I were thankful to double date to the movies after baseball practice, while Josiah enjoyed a slumber party with one of his favorite people in the world :)

Sunday was spent out in Bani visiting Robersy's family along with GAP student, Matt.

ANNNNND here we are!!! Monday. A public holiday. We are ready to rest!

A busy week, but a great week! 

We await new adventures this week and continue to rest in HIM, HIS promises and of course... blessed by who HE is!!!

Matt playing "pool" with Josiah and Josiah's cousin, Anderson.

Some of the Syracuse team.