2017 was rough. It came in like a bull in a china shop, and the beauty all around us continued to fall to the ground from January to December. Chipped, cracked, broken... shattered. Ministry, family, marriage, L.I.F.E.
Robersy and I began counting down for our Christmas trip "home" to Bermuda in October. We were exhausted, frustrated and I would even venture to use the word depressed.
Some of our fellow missionaries and friends also faced some hard stuff before returning to their various "homes" and it was hard for any of us to share our hearts with each other knowing that they too were facing difficulties.
I chose to step away from my blog for a time to focus on the tasks at hand, but in the silence there was much hurt, fear and doubt. I counted 4 blogs that I had written, but didn't have the guts to post of any of them. They were TOO real.
Doubting our calling and trying to get answers from a God who seemed to sit in silence too, we decided to wallow in our own sadness and became distant from those we served and served with.
Our time in Bermuda was TRULY, TRULY, TRULY needed. To step away from the busyness and the pressure to hear HIM, to receive godly counsel from men and women with years of experience in full-time ministry and to share openly with our home church with what has really been going on.
I won't go in to detail of what we shared that Sunday, but I will say this...
Your missionaries, wherever they might be, don't have an easy calling.
They are stretched thin with the pressing needs of those around them.
Black turns to gray as many times "sin" is excused for "culture" and in fear of offending the "culture" they end up being silent in the face of "sin."
They find it hard to form true friendships and share true heart issues with both the locals and fellow ministry partners.
Often times they feel lonely. Married or not.
Often times they feel guilty for missing "home," a favorite food or a life that continues on without them.
They struggle in their marriages, as parents or in ministry and have very few they can share with... because they are there to help OTHERS with THEIR issues not face their own.
They are judged on how they live, how they parent, what they eat, what they wear, where they go, how they spend, etc.
In short, although most people don't know what we do on a day to day basis, sometimes being a missionary isn't sparkles and butterflies.
But God...
But God has not called us to live an easy life.
And He has not called us to walk this life alone.
This goes for me and you. Missionary, ministry worker or soldier of the most High God.
Jesus is coming back. SOON. I'm certain of it.
But until He does, we've got some work to do.
Still, He also calls us to rest, invest in our marriages and families, seek counsel, be real... and then kick some Satan booty.
We are HAPPY to be back and serving. I've jumped right in to teaching minors and adults at the Lily House, leading the discipleship ministry with our teen girls and teaching a study in San Jose.
I try to do as much ministry as I can in the mornings while Josiah is at nursery school to give him and Robersy my undivided attention in the afternoons and on the weekends.
Josiah is LOVING nursery school and is apparently the best dancer in his class. I'd like to the say that comes from me, but we all know his daddy has the dancing genes.
Robersy is out this morning organizing his baseball storage to start up practice tomorrow. We're thankful for a friend from another ministry that will be sharing the load with Robersy along with 2 disciples. Of course there will be others to stop by to help in between their primary ministries. To all of these, we are thankful. Between baseball and youth ministry Robersy is trying to balance his time in ministry, at home and, of course, in the Word.
So that's were we are.
There is so much ahead this year that we'll share as things come about. Sorry this isn't the "sexiest" (those at our live update would understand... I'll blog about that at another time) update. But it's as real as it gets!
I'm glad to be back. My heart is ready to share again.
The silence has been broken.
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| Josiah with his cousin, Abraham. They are the best of friends already <3 |
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| A special visit at the beginning of our trip. |
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| Though squinty, we had lots of outings, rest and fun! |
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| Robersy even got to play a game of softball with our friends. |
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