MIO!

Well friends, it's been kinda cray-cray since we last spoke.

The boy who jumped in the ocean with all of his clothes on met up with his consequences a few days after I was on the mend so we spent a few more days trapped inside until he got over his fever and cough. Thankfully he was over it (though he still has a tiny cough) by the time Monday rolled around because my little booger turned TWO!!!

That's a whole 730 days.
17,520 hours.
1,051,200 minutes!!!
(Yes you better believe I used a calculator...)

... since our chunk chunk was ripped from my womb (lol! Let me have my moment. I still have the scars) and a face was finally given to the violent kicks and acid reflux :) 2 weeks after his due date.

And so was born our new "normal" - sleepless nights and livin' off a prayer.

Actually, Josiah was sweet enough to remind us of those sleepless nights last night when he called out at 3am, toddled through and plopped himself on the couch waiting for "bref-fast."

Um, no. My dear...
And because Robersy and I couldn't decide who was less exhausted and had to put him back in to bed, he rolled around with us - kicking, back-flipping, somersaulting and hand-standing until I had snoozed my alarm three times. 3AM until 6:50AM people.

So buckle up folks... who knows what I'm about to say. This should be fun. lol.

But seriously, as I sit here with my Caramel Nougat tea and the rain pouring outside I can't help but reflect on how much has changed in our lives since Josiah came in to our world. 

Our once bald eagle now has a natural fo-hawk of curls. 

He loves Peppa and Paw Patrol, cars, trains, BABIES - oh my soul, does he love babies. Our friends are sweet let him coddle and pet their little ones, but I usually have to pry him away of giving too much love. 

He LOVES his daddy... and Tonky (our dog). They're basically on the same level of the love scale. He asks for both throughout the day. Bringing him in to the world, feeding him (out of my own body for a year and a half, let me remind you...), changing him, hugging him, putting on his favorite movies, going for walks (with his beloved Tonky), going to the beach together has not helped my cause at all. I remain third place.

For being bi-lingual his language has come along. I have to guess a lot of words - napkin, ice-pop and dominoes are a few of his new favorites, but he's getting there. But there is one word in Spanish that he says as clear as day! 

MIO!
MINE!!!

This is a word I'm blaming the school for since I FO-SHO did not teach him!!! But we're working on EXORCISING it OUT of him. lol.

However, amongst quite a bit of teaching on GRACE recently I've had quite a few conversations in my teaching and one-on-one discipleship times about MIO MIO! What is MY PART in all of this grace stuff.

"For it is by GRACE you have been saved, through faith..." Eph 2:8

We know the TRUTH well and the fact that we can do NOTHING to earn our Salvation is beyond our comprehension. Even those who know that they know, that they KNOW about the depth of meaning behind grace can often fall in to a work-based salvation. 

For me personally it takes serious prayer to kick me out of that and simply bask in the beauty of grace.

But for many, it stops there. Woohoo grace! 
I am saved! 
I'm going to Heaven. 
Done. 
Check. 
Par-tay!!!

Then Romans 6 kicks us in the bumpy.
"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 
BY NO MEANS!" 

Then read the rest of the chapter... SERIOUSLY! It's a good one.

THREE times in THREE different studies in THREE different ways since last Wednesday until today I've had girls say, "Pray for spiritual growth. I don't really feel God much anymore. I mean I know I'm saved, but..."

And I stop them and ask, "So what are you doing?"

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
What do you mean, what am I DOING?! GRACE, Sarah! 

Yes, I don't take that away for a second. 
But we want to FEEL God, HEAR God, SEE God, EXPERIENCE God, sitting on our perfectly shaped derrieres with non-fat iced caramel lattes (yes, I'm bitter... for both, the booties and the lattes. Sidetracked.) and not doing a darn thing.

We continue in the same sin, we don't crack open our Bibles, we're all dressed up for church then spend the sermon looking at everyone else... or texting... but WE WERE THERE!, we spend our prayer time like we would seated on Kris Kringle's lap...

and we want to GROW.

Please know, I am NOT casting stones. Actually, I found myself in this hump over the Christmas holidays. Angry. Exhausted. Confused.

"I just don't feel God like I used to."

Then I had to ask myself. Then what am I doing? 

Am I taking time to get to know my Best Friend, listening to what He has for me, bragging about Him and His goodness, talking to Him, obeying Him?

Grace is something I don't think I'll ever fully comprehend. But I am so, so, SO grateful for the Salvation I HAVE because of the GRACE Christ gave... gives. 

But I refuse to remain a sinful bump on a log because of the GRACE I have been shown. 
I want to grow.
So grow I shall.

Stuck in a box!

Since a picture speaks a thousand words, I decided to choose two photos to represent the start and end of our week.

The first is a photo of our quick trip to the beach on Monday evening. A lovely, relaxing adventure with the family :) Though it turned into Josiah jumping, rolling and belly-flopping in to the ocean before heading home soaking wet - and SO. HAPPY. lol. I looooove his sense of adventure and imagination.

Then... Sunday night...

Josiah got stuck in a box.

LOL.

Anyone who knows me well knows I let him cry a little and then led him through my "why this was a dumb decision" speech.

Even as I post this, I am almost in tears laughing. But my poor boy was upset. He got lots of cuddles afterwards, don't worry!

That kind of sums up our week :)

Everything was going pretty well... until I was stuck inside with a cold. 

Although I was NOT the one to jump in the ocean fully clothed, I was the only one in my house that was congested, hacking up a lung and overall pretty gross.

I am feeling a LOT better today so, while Robersy is outside playing with Jos, I decided to pop in and say hello.

Despite the cold, it's been a pretty smooth week.

One of my highlights in ministry was my lesson with the minors at LH. The lesson was about how our lives are so different before and after coming to Christ. They talked about the positive bits and the struggles and sacrifices of being a child of the King of Kings. We took a puzzle (the very same one signed by members in my precious home church over a year ago in commitment "to pray for the Laras and those they serve and serve with.") and put it together. Reminded that it takes time for all those broken bits to be put together. Change doesn't happen overnight, but God is faithful. With real commitment comes real change. 

One of my highlights at home was cuddling with Josiah on the couch on Saturday while I was feeling crappy and watching one of the movies our friend, Kevin Grubinski, brought down for us.

During the good, bad... and sometimes extremely snotty... we are thankful. Many of you were mentioned in Robersy and my time together this morning. Prayed for, rejoiced over.

Until we meet again, here are a few more photos from our time in Bermuda. I found a few more on my phone so we'll revel in the memories a little more <3

My sister, Rebecca, got engaged. Pretty pumped to celebrate their nuptials soon!

Rebecca reading to her 2 favorite nephews :)

My younger sister, Deborah, and her hubby Kyle
dedicating their son, Abraham, to the LORD. 

Josiah with a few of his lady friends
at my sister's school.

Sweet Aunty/Nephew time before saying goodbye.

Writing a note to Santa. We're working on sharing! LOL.

It does get chilly in Bermuda! Watching Ferdinand :)

My sweet hubby preaching in ENGLISH!

Broken. Silence... Broken silence.

As I breathe in the cool January air and my skin absorbs the heat of the Caribbean sun I cannot help but give thanks. For a new year. A fresh start. 

2017 was rough. It came in like a bull in a china shop, and the beauty all around us continued to fall to the ground from January to December. Chipped, cracked, broken... shattered. Ministry, family, marriage, L.I.F.E. 

Robersy and I began counting down for our Christmas trip "home" to Bermuda in October. We were exhausted, frustrated and I would even venture to use the word depressed.

Some of our fellow missionaries and friends also faced some hard stuff before returning to their various "homes" and it was hard for any of us to share our hearts with each other knowing that they too were facing difficulties.

I chose to step away from my blog for a time to focus on the tasks at hand, but in the silence there was much hurt, fear and doubt. I counted 4 blogs that I had written, but didn't have the guts to post of any of them. They were TOO real.

Doubting our calling and trying to get answers from a God who seemed to sit in silence too, we decided to wallow in our own sadness and became distant from those we served and served with.

Our time in Bermuda was TRULY, TRULY, TRULY needed. To step away from the busyness and the pressure to hear HIM, to receive godly counsel from men and women with years of experience in full-time ministry and to share openly with our home church with what has really been going on.

I won't go in to detail of what we shared that Sunday, but I will say this...

Your missionaries, wherever they might be, don't have an easy calling. 
They are stretched thin with the pressing needs of those around them. 
Black turns to gray as many times "sin" is excused for "culture" and in fear of offending the "culture" they end up being silent in the face of "sin."
They find it hard to form true friendships and share true heart issues with both the locals and fellow ministry partners.
Often times they feel lonely. Married or not.
Often times they feel guilty for missing "home," a favorite food or a life that continues on without them.
They struggle in their marriages, as parents or in ministry and have very few they can share with... because they are there to help OTHERS with THEIR issues not face their own.
They are judged on how they live, how they parent, what they eat, what they wear, where they go, how they spend, etc.

In short, although most people don't know what we do on a day to day basis, sometimes being a missionary isn't sparkles and butterflies.

But God...

But God has not called us to live an easy life.
And He has not called us to walk this life alone.

This goes for me and you. Missionary, ministry worker or soldier of the most High God.

Jesus is coming back. SOON. I'm certain of it.
But until He does, we've got some work to do.
Still, He also calls us to rest, invest in our marriages and families, seek counsel, be real... and then kick some Satan booty.

We are HAPPY to be back and serving. I've jumped right in to teaching minors and adults at the Lily House, leading the discipleship ministry with our teen girls and teaching a study in San Jose. 
I try to do as much ministry as I can in the mornings while Josiah is at nursery school to give him and Robersy my undivided attention in the afternoons and on the weekends. 

Josiah is LOVING nursery school and is apparently the best dancer in his class. I'd like to the say that comes from me, but we all know his daddy has the dancing genes.

Robersy is out this morning organizing his baseball storage to start up practice tomorrow. We're thankful for a friend from another ministry that will be sharing the load with Robersy along with 2 disciples. Of course there will be others to stop by to help in between their primary ministries. To all of these, we are thankful. Between baseball and youth ministry Robersy is trying to balance his time in ministry, at home and, of course, in the Word. 

So that's were we are. 
There is so much ahead this year that we'll share as things come about. Sorry this isn't the "sexiest" (those at our live update would understand... I'll blog about that at another time) update. But it's as real as it gets! 

I'm glad to be back. My heart is ready to share again. 

The silence has been broken. 

Josiah with his cousin, Abraham. They are the best of friends already <3

A special visit at the beginning of our trip. 

Though squinty, we had lots of outings, rest and fun!

Robersy even got to play a game of softball with our friends.

A hearty "AMEN!"

Before I begin... 

It's Robersy's 30th birthday! SO... SHOUT OUT to my hubby and thanks be to GOD for one more year of life! Check out my Facebook page for a sappy post to commemorate the day :)



Josiah has been doing a whole lot of cute things lately. Sometimes my heart literally can't handle it! Yesterday I shed tears over his first art activity that he did while at Lily House. Hand prints formed in to a heart that said "Te amo mami!" - I love you Mommy!

OH MY HEART! 
It's on my refrigerator and my heart melts a little every time I see it, lol.

He is also expanding his vocabulary. His newest word is "crackers" which sounds a little like "poop" in Spanish but we're gonna take it. 






He knows most animal noises. He "Meeees" at the goats from our bedroom window and barks along with our dogs. Actually on Sunday I had to stand at the back of church because he is a little tornado and a gentleman walked in to the sanctuary Josiah pointed right at him and let out a LOUD "ribbit! ribbit!" I'm telling you... I had never seen it before but it's true! There is a resemblance! LOL.

But one of the sweetest things he does I haven't decided if I want to correct.

Manners are IMPORTANT but sadly not taught to many children here in the DR, so I have made it a priority to push "PLEASE and THANK YOU!" He's been doing the sign for "Please" and we're still working on the actual word, but our "THANK YOU!" has turned into a sweet lesson for my heart.


Josiah hasn't quite figured out the difference of saying "Thank you" to Jesus before we eat and saying "Thank you" to someone for something they have done, given, etc.

If I give Josiah a cookie and say "Thank yoooou" urging him to follow, he quickly bows his head, mumbles a few unrecognizable words and then lets out a hearty "AMEN!"

Uhhhhh! Who would correct this sweet gesture!? Honestly we tried in the beginning and I'm sure he'll get it before he's 20 :) But it has been a sweet reminder to where my heart must be.

On our way to the game

I am quick to thank a group for donations or an individual for their help... but I often forget to thank the ONE from whom all blessings flow. 

GOD is so, SO good to us and I often to forget to thank HIM for the blessings HE pours over me and my sweet family every day.

So let me give out a shout out to JESUS...
This past weekend Robersy had the opportunity to work with a baseball team and a group of teens joined us on Saturday as fans to cheer on the players! The game was great, although I was there for the social aspect, heehee, and then as we always do the Gospel was preached following.

I was actually surprised when the invitation was given that no one raised their hand or came to the side. Actually, to be honest, I was a little thankful too. One of the biggest frustrations for us as missionaries is when everybody in a crowd "receives Christ" because many times its because of peer pressure and we've even seen coaches pushing their whole teams up to the front to accept Christ thinking there might be a freebie as well. We just pray that even a few of those might be sincere.

Anyways! Our director waited a few minutes before closing in prayer and my heart almost exploded (along with my tear ducts that must have had a leak!) when I saw a young man from the American team stand up and move to the side to speak to someone about receiving Christ as his personal Saviour.

So many times we assume that those who come down on a mission trip, especially when they're part of a Christian school, are already Christians. What a true act of humility to stand in the midst of over 100 young Dominican baseball players to say... "Hey. I've been living a lie. I don't know CHRIST, but I need HIM."

THAT WAS YOU GOD! YOU DID THAT! 
SHOUT OUT TO YOU!!!

Then it started a ripple effect among a few others who came to the throne of grace as well. 

Isn't HE GOOD!!!







Then, in our hurricane relief efforts, 
GOD used many of you to bring LIGHT to several homes.

If you were to say to "Luci" to most of the SCORE missionaries they would began our little spiel that "THIS is the reality of the Dominican Republic." :) I'm sure that some of you that have been to a SCORE night are repeating the same!

But to those who don't know, Luci is a solar-powered, inflatable, waterproof lantern that we use to bring physical and spiritual light in to Dominican homes.






Using a good friend of ours, Robersy and I have been entrusted with the sale and dispersing of Luci lanterns to homes in the Dominican. This was the first time we reached out to those outside of the Dominican and we were humbled by your participation. 

With each lantern given, we have been able to share the love of CHRIST! 






Some have even received Christ when the comparison is given between physical light and the ONE TRUE LIGHT. MANY seeds have been planted.

GOD used YOU in providing these lanterns as HE called these individuals to HIMSELF and HIS eternal salvation.
Isn't HE GOOD!!!

So today... although I am still truly thankful for YOU... I'm pulling a Josiah and bowing my head and thanking HIM - for HE HAS DONE GREAT THINGS and HE is TRULY worthy of ALL praise.

Blessings!

The dreaded cape.

Today (written earlier this week) began as normal as any other day.

Rolled. Tumbled. CRAWLED out of bed. Realizing we had slept in on Prayer Meeting morning I ran to take the dogs out while Robersy went to brush his teeth. Since they take just about the same amount of time to do (haha!) I walked in the door just in time to hear Josiah waking up. 

"MOMMA!" - When Robersy isn't home we practice yelling "Daddy!" from the bedroom... hoping it'll sink in one day so then I can sleep in. 

"One second, boo boos." 

I had to put it on... where was it? 

"MOMMA!" 

"I'm coming!!!" 

Didn't I just wear it yesterday? Maybe it was in the closet... under the bed... dirty laundry?! "ROBERSY!!! WHERE'S MY CAPE!!!"

:)

OKAY. Obviously I'm being facetious. But over the last several weeks a very serious thought has occurred to me. It's the reason I haven't written. It's the reason I haven't blogged. It's the reason I haven't shared the very intimate and personal feelings I have experienced over the previous month.

Shall I share?
Do you think you're ready?
Here we go...

I. AM. HUMAN.

Ahhhh!!! My heart hurts to write these three words. My head pounds to accept it's truth.

By this point you're getting ready to close the blog and move on to something more spiritual, but stay with me for a second and let's get serious so I can share with you the realization that most missionaries know so well and the ways you can help the missionaries and full-time ministry workers that GOD has placed in your lives.

These past 2 months have been the craziest roller coaster ride of my life. 

I have experienced pain, grief and anger like I have NEVER experienced before. 

I have cried more times than I can count.

I have doubted. HIS call. HIS will. HIS desire to use me.

One after another situations have hit our home, our ministry, our family, our faith... making it scary to stand back up again, in fear something greater might come next.

And it's becoming difficult to keep our "capes" on.

The funny thing is, we never bought these capes. We didn't even ask for them! They were wrapped around our necks by people we love most and the countless individuals we serve on a daily basis. 

The cape is one of expectation. One that hopes we have all of the answers. One that wonders why we cry, why we fight, why we yell. One that ought to be stronger. One that doesn't feel pain and doesn't allow tears to flow. A true Superhero.

Here's the deal.
I can't be that for you or for them.

I speak on behalf of all ministry workers when I say, "I am human." 

The cape isn't lost. 
It doesn't exist.

The same pain you feel when you stub your toe we feel as well.

The anger you experience when someone betrays you, lies to you or stabs you in the back, we experience too. And it happens. Regularly.

Sadness feels SAD to us too, the only difference is that we can't just run to mom's house... we call on spotty internet and fuzzy computer screens.

Fights, cliques and gossip exist within ministry just as much as it exists in your office... and it's not okay... in either setting.

We're not Superheroes. 
This may not mean anything to you, but over the last few months I have clung on to and held tight to a cape that God never expected me to wear. I need the same GRACE, MERCY and FORGIVENESS as anyone else in any other profession.

On my way to San Jose to teach the other week I admired a beautiful and OCD approved fencing :) SO STRAIGHT. SO PERFECTLY MEASURED. But as I drove by I notice an opening. Clearly nibbled away by a goat or cut by somebody passing by. Either way. This one opening, though only a few meters away from a security guard and a shot gun, could let any number of things in. And a thought crossed my mind.

Why don't they cover it up?!
A little tarp, a big black trash bag at least! 

But the truth is... the gap would still be there.

I started to think about all of the fears, doubt and insecurities that I had allowed to creep in to my life over the last few months... all covered with that dreaded cape. I could have walked through it all a little easier if I had taken off the cape and been real with others. It would have allowed GOD and others to step in to help close the gap rather than pretending it didn't exist.

The freedom of being REAL covered up with a cape all because "more" is expected of me. 

More faith.
More grace.
More forgiveness.

Yet we REQUIRE and ought to GIVE equal amounts of these very things... and it's way more than either of us have done. Can I get an AMEN?

Perhaps this blog is difficult to follow, but if you're walking through living up to someone's expectations perhaps you get it. 

Can we all just live for JESUS!? 
Take off the cape!
Let GOD step in and allow HIM to place others in to your life to help with the burdens, the doubts and the healing.

Can we all just be real?

Next week I'll fill you in on all the happenings around here. Pics of groups, mission trips and the kids to come! But this week. Pray for your missionaries and ministry workers. We carry a heavy load of wearing a cape the LORD never asked us to wear. Pray that we might be real and seek counsel, help and healing before the cape becomes hypocrisy. And pray for the same in your own life too!

Simmer down, Irma.

The sun is splitting the trees!

The temperature is H-O-T. 

There is literally no sign of what is to come.

It appears there is a storm a brewin' in the Atlantic and it's headed towards us. Well, the "storm" has grown in to a Category 5 hurricane named Irma and it looks like she might do some damage.

As we don't know what the next few days might hold I wanted to send out a quick blog to ask for your prayer. 

We praise the LORD for the second floor, concrete home GOD has allowed us to live in... however, there are many, MANY people in our church, youth group and baseball ministry that live in homes with wooden walls and tin roofs. Homes that might not take the beating well. We ask for GOD's protection over each one of them and their families. We ask for wisdom in knowing how to prepare and guidance in knowing how to help.

We ask for prayer for Robersy's family as well as the Dominican and Haitian families of many of our SCORE employees and missionaries. 

Robersy's mom lives in a small tin-roofed home at the bottom of a hill. Heavy rain has caused mud to flood her home on occasions before and she's fearful that her home won't withstand the hurricane force winds. Robersy's mom also suffers from asthma that is regulated with a nebulizer daily. If the power goes out for a long period of time this could cause issues for her health as well. We've ask her to come and stay with us, but obviously she is fearful to leave her home and belongings as well.

We ask that this storm might draw people to HIMSELF and in the midst of scary circumstances, that the LORD might reveal HIMSELF with HIS mighty, powerful hand. 

We KNOW and BELIEVE in a GOD that can CALM THE STORM. We worship the CREATOR of the winds and the waves that humbly obey HIS commands. Still we trust in HIS absolutely perfect plan and ask that HE does what will bring HIM the most glory.

Slippers.

Life has been a blur lately. 

Last week Robersy and I sprawled out on the couch. As I began to think about what I had gotten up to that day I couldn't stop laughing.

I still remember that on that particular day just over a week ago I had ran, studied, squeezed on to a full public bus with Josiah in tow, led a Bible study, stopped an argument, counseled a young lady, fed 2 stray kittens with an eye dropper, put Josiah down for a nap, grabbed something to eat, set up the church for youth group, planned games, checked on the stray kittens and the girl taking care of them, visited a few missionaries going through some tough stuff, ran back to the church to do the finances, grabbed dinner for Josiah, opened up the church for the kids, helped lead youth group, drove some of the kids home and got home with a sleeping baby and exhausted husband around 10PM. 

C-R-A-Z-Y! And so diverse! LOL.

Every day IS different, and our days largely depend on what those we're ministering to are walking through at the time... if that makes sense.

For example. We don't regularly visit the hospital, but if one of our teens/disciples are... we are too. We don't regularly to crisis counseling, but if need-be we do!

As a prepare for a few Bible studies I'm leading this week I've just started Beth Moore's "Believe God" study. I've only gotten through the first video and I think this might be a good one :)

At the end of the study she pulls out 3 pairs of shoes.
A fancy dancy pair.
A pair of slippers.
And a pair of work boots.

Although she has different application, it got me thinking of the shoes we've put on lately and the different seasons we encounter. 

There are seasons of fun, enjoyment and even celebration (when things are going great!). 
There are seasons of REST!
And there are seasons of a whole lotta work!

We're just coming out of a very busy season in our personal lives and ministry. We've had our work boots buckled tight! It's been exhausting, but we're thankful for the things accomplished. However, next week we plan to slip on our slippers and rest for a moment before things get busy again :)

I want to encourage you to pray for your missionaries! Whether local, overseas or wherever they might be. Working with short-term mission teams, camps, VBS, summer conferences, etc. Days and weeks as crazy as ours. Pray that they might find a moment to catch their breath and rest in the arms of our Savior before starting afresh! For the sake of their marriages, families and spiritual lives.

Youth United!!! 4 youth groups together worshiping God!!!

Games at Youth United!

Two of our teens were baptized on Sunday. 

Climbing a mountain on our day off :)

Thank you to all who sent school supplies to SCORE!
These are "back-to-school" gifts we were able to give to our teens.

Our back-to-school activity included games about Science...

Math

And Physical Education

Thankful to a member of our church, Patricia, for sharing the importance of attending school.

All these activities were shared with this crazy little boy <3