Loss

10 days ago, I grieved in a way I never had before. 

I grieved the loss of two spiritual daughters. I mourned the loss of trust. I sobbed over the broken lives, hurting families and betrayal. 

I questioned. 
I doubted. 
I blamed myself. 
I knew I could have done more.

I truly believed that the burden was too much to bear. 

Sleepless nights turned in to very early mornings. Trying to understand and literally begging God and others for guidance. 

I didn't want to be angry, but couldn't bear to forgive. The lies, the scheming, the rebellion.

I knew I'd never felt such hurt... and would never experience such loss again.

I was wrong.


Little did I know, days later, I would experience loss again.

Forced to say "goodbye" when I was never given the opportunity to say "hello." 

Forced to let go of something I'd never gotten to hold. 

To experience the contractions.
To see the blood.
And still be left empty handed.

I know I'm just a statistic. That others know my pain.

But he was mine.

He was MINE...


So here I stand again. Well... more like curled in the fetal position... which is only too ironic. Begging God AGAIN for guidance.

Once again trying to understand.
Once again feeling like a failure.
Once again feeling betrayed.

So why do I share? 
Because, though our lives are played out on a stage before our family, friends, church, ministry and supporters, we experience very real hurt in ministry and in our personal lives. 

I want permission to cry and to be mad and to run away. 

And I want you pray.

Because I believe in a GOD that will dry my tears, and remind me that HE is near, and hold my sweet baby tighter than I ever could.

I know my GOD is a GOD of
HOPE
RESTORATION
and HEALING

and I want to experience these things first-hand in our family and ministry.

I miss him... 
though I don't exactly know what I'm missing. 

I don't think that'll go away. 
I hope that doesn't go away. 

Will you pray for our family and ministry?

CAMP, BABY!!!

He just can't control it.

It oozes from his soul and flows from his head to his toes.

Truth is, my child looooooves to dance.

Just the other night I was rocking Josiah to sleep on the porch since the lights were out. He was ALMOST asleep! Until the ice-cream truck, with its distinct music, came driving down our street.

He literally jumped out of my lap! He had to get his groove on! His feet, his head, his hands... everything had to move to the music!

Truth is, there is something that gets us going!

Sports, music, art... 

For us, it's working with young people.

Although they also get on my last nerves too, there is something that makes us want to get up and DANCE when seeing a teen's heart changed for the glory of GOD.

We had the blessing of seeing many of our local teens and others from surrounding churches come to a saving knowledge of CHRIST and rededicating their lives to the LORD. What a thrill to see young men and women being trained up for HIS glory!!!

About 275 arrived at camp on Tuesday, rearing and ready to go! With the help of the program team, the counselors and the Highlands staff we had an AMAZING week.

The games, the songs, the messages. All pulled together with the theme "I AM THIRD." for an incredible time. So much so that many young people went home in tears. 

Pray for those that had made decisions. Many don't live in a home that supports and encourages them in their mission to live godly lives. Pray that they will link up with a solid, Bible preaching church and that they might GROW!

Speaking of growing...

In case you haven't heard. My belly is growing. And although the food at camp was ON POINT, it wasn't the rice and beans... IT'S A BABY.

We're thrilled to announce our addition and we look forward to meeting him/her in February.

It appears we're already trying to fill our new-to-us van already, with our very own home-grown baseball team :)

Just kidding! But we are truly grateful for the van and how it has already been used in our ministry. We're currently looking for a trailer to store the baseball equipment on the back, but we'll post when that becomes available.

It seats about 15-20 and the interior was re-covered with material that wouldn't absorb the sweat of nasty baseball players. Heehee.

So now you're all up-to-date. And we'll have plenty more to share this coming week as we continue to serve alongside some precious friends and mission teams. SO STAY TUNED!!!

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!

Last Week's Blog:

He's DOWN! He's DOWN!!!

Josiah is finally down for a nap after an impromptu sleepover last night. Six boys came to visit... with backpacks filled with overnight belongings. I'm not always soft, but when an 11 year old gets teared up when we say it's time to go home my heart melts a little.

PLUS, 6 free babysitters while I catch up on reading, Bible study and Netflix. Really it's a WIN-WIN :)

Nevertheless, I now have laundry to do and candles burning (Preteen boys STINK!) but sometimes the little sacrifices are worth it.

While we sat to do our family devotions this morning, Robersy and myself with our 7 children, they had a lot to say and a lot to ask while Robersy shared the importance of discipleship. 

As some of the youngest boys on Robersy's team my heart melted as I looked at my 1 year old squished on the couch with the others. Intently listening. He wants to be just like the big kids. In fact yesterday afternoon he spent the majority of time throwing balls, racing cars and swinging bats with the older six.

These kids may not think they have anyone looking up to them, but I can assure you, they do.

In fact, we all do. 

I know I've talked about this before but whether you believe it or not, you are influencing someone. Good OR bad... but you ARE influencing someone.

So what do we do with this super power :)

We live right.

RIGHT... in the eyes of God Almighty!

That is exactly what our church youth conference is all about this weekend.

LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION!

"We are called to be LIGHT in a dark, DARK world and people are WATCHING... are you putting your faith in to ACTION?"

Pray as we teach our young people what it means to live out our faith.

So that's what we've been up to. Busily preparing for the conference, as well as for camp, all while continuing our regular ministries and searching for a van!

We appreciate your prayers at a very busy time of the year!!!
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TODAY'S BLOG!

"THAT'S A WRAP!"

What a fabulous weekend! It was CRAZY and we're dead tired. But it was fantastic!!!

The teens left the conference feeling well-loved and encouraged to BE LIGHT and TAKE ACTION by our three invited speakers. I was thankful to see the messages came together and God moved as we knew HE would! 

We began the day with muffins and 2 messages from Word of Life National Director of Bible Clubs, Samuel. He spoke about our call to be light and what that looks like in our day-to-day life. It was also a blessing to hear about Samuel's own story and how the Lord led him in to ministry.

After a LARGE typical Dominican lunch of rice with beans (moro), chicken and salad we settled down to hear our Pastor, Nathan Jude, bring the Word. We love how God speaks through our Pastor on a weekly basis and this weekend at the conference was no exception!

Finally, after more snacks, prizes and songs, we heard from our final speaker, Word of Life missionary, Josued. Unfortunately, Josued had car issues on his way out to us, but we were blessed by his message when he was able to arrive!

4 teens expressed a call in to ministry - and to tell you the truth, we see it in them too. Their desire to serve their local church, push other teens towards a closer relationship with the LORD and of course clear evidence of their heart to grow is undeniable.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!

I've included some photos so you can get a visual :)

Burnin' Tires and Box O' Puppies

"Hey! Be careful... they're burning tires down there."

Surprisingly, this is not the first time we have heard this phrase yelled in to our truck window. Tires are usually burned, as are rocks thrown, when people are on strike or protesting (in many cases because of electricity outages).

THIS, however, was the first time we had heard it on our street. It didn't come as a complete surprise as the electricity has been going off consistently each morning around 3am for the past week. Holy Heat Batman...

Robersy and I looked at each other and spoke at the same time.

"YEESSSSS!!! Let's join the riot!!! Let's throw a burning tire! These power outages have been awful!!!"

"Oh dear, that doesn't sound safe. Let's find another way home."

HAHA. I'll let you guess who responded in which way. Truly, Robersy and I could not be more different. 


Then there are mornings like this morning.

"Oh my soul, babe, someone left a box of puppies at our front gate."

Looking shamefully at the floor. "It was me... I saw them at the end of the road last night and brought them closer so I could take care of them."

That one will shock you... IT WAS ROBERSY who brought the puppies home! (NO! We are not keeping them). BUT, OH MY HEART. A man who brings home PUPPIES <3 <3 <3

Any who. It's funny how God brought two crazy individuals together. Two islanders, but from a world of a difference in upbringing, culture, family, etc. united in the precious blood of JESUS CHRIST.

It blows my mind.

Then there are missionaries and friends who serve together from all around the Dominican, Michigan, Tennessee, West Virginia, Costa Rica, Ohio, New York, Atlanta, etc. Each from different walks of life, testimonies, family backgrounds and traditions. Again, so different yet united in such a precious bond named Christ.

I was reminded of the sweet bond as I watched a dear friend and sister from the Dominican slip out of church after Communion on Sunday morning. Her young daughter wiped tears from her eyes, but they weren't naughty tears... they were sad tears.

"Is she okay?" I whispered as she opened the back door. 

"She's sad because Jesus died. It seems she finally "got" why we celebrate Holy Supper... I just gotta let her know that Jesus is still alive."

OH. MY. HEART.

I can't wait for the day I can share this same joy with my son as he comes to an age of understanding and I look forward to seeking advice from my sweet friend whom I had NOTHING in common with before Christ.

That unspeakable Joy I spoke of last week, unites HIS people, HIS body, HIS church.

I'm also MOVED TO TEARS when I know this "common bond" has led people, who have known us briefly or even just heard of us and our ministry, to support us as we serve on the mission field. We do not take it lightly. In fact, we pray over those who give and have given. We do not feel worthy, but we are sincerely honored.

Many of you were thanked for and prayed over as Robersy, Josiah and I drove from dealer to dealer to look at vans today. We can hardly believe the money has been raised through the precious saints in Bermuda (more specifically those who worship at Paget Gospel Chapel), and through other supporters and donors we should have the funds for insurance and touch-ups.

HOW?!
WHY?! 

We are in AWE of your generous hearts and love for us that is only possible through a bond that began at the cross. THANK YOU!!!

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Besides van-hunting we have been busily getting ready for the youth conference and camp as well as conjuring up new adventures for our youth.

Living as a Christian teen in sex-driven, party-centered lifestyle of the Dominican Republic is tough. And since there aren't the "after-school activities" or "summer day camp" options we have in the States and Bermuda many times teenagers find their own extra-curricular activities, which sadly leads to dropping out of school to parent a child or being involved in accidents due to under aged drinking and late night partying (we're talking kids that are 11 and 12 years old! And it's NOT shunned by the parents).

This is why we decided, even between planning and preparing for large out-reach activities, to begin "Youth Wednesdays." From 3-6PM on Wednesdays during the summer we'll provide a safe environment for the teens to "hang." We'll provide different activities each week but we're praying this will encourage them to meet with others in healthy activities at other times of the week too.

The Christian life is NOT boring... but in some cultures "fellowship" begs to be taught.

Pray that this might be a fun time for our young people and bonding time with the leaders.

So there you have it. Summer in the DR. We can't wait to see and serve with some of you soon and then the rest of you can pray for us as we face the summer HEAT! 

BLESSINGS <3

Some crazies we serve with.

Blessed by these friendships.

HAHA! Anna is going to kill me. But I'm thankful for her!

And of course, sweet ministry too.

Soggy Animo

"One, two... one, two, three, four, five."

Just a few years ago there was a song that swept across the Dominican Republic. I actually think the song was called "One, two, three, four, five" and just about everyone was singing the lyrics.

However, it wasn't necessarily because the song was good... it was just super catchy. It's a song all about getting up and getting going. The young artist sang about getting excited about the day and making lots of noise to get pumped up.

HOWEVER, the young lady's unimpressed expressions and lack of excitement made the song simply ironic.

"Get excited. Get pumped up." All sang with a bllllaaaa frown.

HA-HA!

It cracks me up, but is a good reminder too.

Have you met BLAAAA Christians? Kind of ironic, right???

Saved by grace?!

HALLELUJAH!

Going to Heaven?!

Praise JESUS!!!

But we sit in the pews like zombies and try not to seem weird to our friends and co-workers during the work week.

JESUS didn't die so I could live a mediocre life with a frown on my face while MUMBLING the most EXCITING NEWS THAT EVER WAS!!!

Heck to the NO!

Friend, we are called... NOT to remain silent. We are changed in order to literally SCREAM "JESUS SAVES!!!" through word and deed.

Can I get an AMEN?!

Please, friend, if you have lost your joy BEG HIM to shake things up. Ask HIM to remind you of HIS work in you. Take time to remember the train wreck you were before knowing the SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD.

I know I need to do this daily because this money-driven-popularity-contest we call life has a way of dampening our spirits sometimes. We ought not stay soggy.

This morning, as Robersy has been out at the mechanic AGAIN, I have been looking at our schedule and organizing some things for the upcoming months.

I literally want to get up and run in circles (haha!) cuz I am that excited. Yes, it'll be busy, but our teens are going to have some really special events over the summer to stir their hearts to grow in their faith.

On June 24 we have a youth conference  "Lights, Camera, Action - How to put your faith in to action" for the teens that live and worship in our area. We were talking with someone just this week about snacks, decoration, themes, etc. We are praying that this will be a great preparation for their hearts before camp.

Camp is from July 11th-15th then there are some pretty special coming down to serve here for a couple weeks following.

Then of course we have a young lady from Bermuda coming to live and serve with us for the month of July! We're so thankful that our area of influence is not confined to the Dominican Republic. We trust her time with us with help her Spanish AND shake up her walk with the LORD!

So those are the things coming up, but we prepare for those even as we continue to serve day to day. Just this past week involved teaching, discipleship, baseball practice, a visiting group at youth group THEN baseball, softball and volleyball games... all in one morning!!! We stay busy which is why it's so important to find JOY in serving JESUS!

How about you? Are you getting a little soggy? How can we be praying for you???

Grab a cuppa...

We're ALIVE!!!

I'm sorry for keeping everyone in the dark for the last month. It has been busy as we traveled to the States and honestly, it was nice to step away for a moment. Of course, it's nice to be back too. I will still be spending less time on social media, for my own heart's sake, but I will be sure to answer messages as quickly and efficiently as possible. Thank you for your patience and understanding!

But let's grab a cup of tea and catch up!

We had a lovely time visiting some of Robersy's family in the Bronx, then hopping over to Sabinsville, PA to be with my sister as she prepared to welcome her little bundle. Like his cousin, Abraham John Horton did NOT want to come!!! We tried EVERYTHING! Even visiting another slow baby and internet sensation, April the Giraffe and her baby Taj.

Praise the LORD, he finally came on May 17th at 12:48am.

It was a really loooooong night!

But soooooo worth it <3

Precious new life!!! We were so thankful to be there with my sister and her hubby (and got to see my parents too!). We miss a lot of special events living so far away, so this was very important to us!

We returned to the Dominican on May 19th... so he cut it REALLY close!!!
Since we've been back we've been on the go again.
We had a celebration for the mothers of our teens and got to spoil them a little.

Then we made a quick trip to Bani to celebrate Mother's Day there too (on Monday). Josiah LOVES being in "el campo."

So there you have it! You're up to date! Now we're running out the door for a camp meeting so we're at it again :) Prayers appreciated as we head in to the busy summer season! Looking forward to sharing more next week.

Drinking Probs.

My worst nightmare!

Traveling with my Dominican hubby has always been nerve-wrecking! Although he has a Visa and travels completely legally to and from the States and Bermuda, there is always a tiny fear (especially with the tougher issues with travel these days) that they'll turn us away as we arrive at our gate.

Today. It happened.

My heart skipped a beat as the gentleman took a double take at Josiah. HA-HA! Josiah has changed a LOT since his very first passport photo. I nervously laughed as I ensured him that the chunk in the earlier photo was absolutely the same kid.

Following a scan of my passport, the man turned to Robersy's. He looked at the info page, then the Visa page, then turned back to the info page.

"Sir, your passport is out of date."

ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! My heart dropped, as did Robersy's signature smile. My fear come to light... and not because of Trump's wall, but rather MY stupidity!!!

We shuffled out of the line as a lady passed her perfectly new, updated passport in front of my face and into the gentleman's hand. 

I could kick myself!

So as Robersy is in Santo Domingo working on getting an emergency passport that will allow us to travel on a later flight this evening, I have been sitting around waiting for answers! EEK. What a crazy day!!!

Never leave your phone unattended at Youth Group. I have about 50 of these! 

But I am thankful for the time GOD has given me, while Josiah naps, to share something that GOD has been teaching me lately... through a Bible study I'm teaching.

I have had many "AH-HA!" and "Mm-hm" moments as I study for the Bible studies and discipleship. I'm reminded daily that GOD'S WORD is ALIVE! I'm thankful, always, for the opportunity to then take what GOD has shown me and share it with others (#discipleship).

I have studied the book of Esther, phhhhewww, I don't even know how many times! It's such a precious study and I have learned much through it. So as I was busy preparing for a study in a village called San Jose, it hit me.

If you're not familiar, you gotta read it! But I'll catch you up...

Esther is now Queen after some serious drama in King Ahasuerus palace. Her cousin, Mordecai (who had raised Esther as his own) has also caused quite a ku-fluffle when he refused to bow down to Haman, the King's right-hand man. Haman had such a hissy fit he decided to not only get rid of Mordy, but the whole flippin' population of Jews! Men, women, the elderly and children! What an evil man. 

So all of the Jews were running around like chickens with their heads cut off with their death day pending.

Look at this verse...

Esther 3:15b, "And the king and Haman sat down to drink, but the city of Susa was thrown into confusion."

Your daily cuteness factor :)

My heart drops when I read this verse.

How in the world could the king sit and have a drink with Haman while the very people he claimed to serve as king had been sentenced to death!? 

But I got to thinking... 

When things are falling apart all around me, I have a coping mechanism too. I mope over to our laptop, open up Facebook and veg.

I really didn't think it to be a problem, but over the last few weeks I realized how obsessed I had become! I don't enjoy chatting really... just scrolling. Mindless scrolling.

I know EXACTLY who sells a product, who promotes vaccinations and who condemns them, whose children are home-schooled, which kids play sports, who loooooves their job, who haaaattes their job, who has recently had a baby, whose children have health issues, who is traveling, who loves their dog like it's an actual child, who is having a good day, who is having a bad day.

I scroll and scroll and scroll until my finger is numb.

But what has really become numb is my heart to the needs all around me. The people that are right outside my door.

I am NOT knocking Facebook (it is one of my favorite ways to communicate with you!), I am NOT knocking rest (we look forward to a little rest while we're away!)...

I am simply sharing an area where I have been struggling lately. Because in the mindless scrolling I have failed to carry the burdens and loads of my family, my ministry partners, etc. to the foot of the cross and Sarah sat down in front of the computer just as "the king and Haman sat down to drink."

Look at the this sweet American lady drinking
tea out of a royal tea cup! Pinky up :)
Thankful to have Kelli here living with us before
she dives in to ministry!

I have ignored, because I'm tired... and I'm tired because I've not found my rest where only true rest can be found.

So, why do I share?

Well friend, for the next 3 weeks Robersy and I are going to traveling to see his brother and then my sister. To share with them, minister with them and serve them and their families as well. Although we struggled with timing, location, etc. it is something we feel very strongly about and are excited for our own little mission trip to the very ones we left to serve...

And during our time away I want to take a step back from Facebook to be present. To pick up my Bible instead of my phone. To sit down to share instead of looking to escape. To stop and listen to the One who has been trying to get my attention.

I'm not leaving forever, never fear. But I am taking some time to put my focus where it ought to be and to quit ignoring the NOW. 

But NOW I must go, because Robersy just walked in with a new passport in hand! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!! So we'll be flying out in just a few hours. Pray for no more hiccups and thank HIM too because HE chose an apparent inconvenience to be part of our story today and I can only imagine it's that HE might be glorified.

 

ADIOS DOMINICANA... and HELLO 'MERICA!