Loss

10 days ago, I grieved in a way I never had before. 

I grieved the loss of two spiritual daughters. I mourned the loss of trust. I sobbed over the broken lives, hurting families and betrayal. 

I questioned. 
I doubted. 
I blamed myself. 
I knew I could have done more.

I truly believed that the burden was too much to bear. 

Sleepless nights turned in to very early mornings. Trying to understand and literally begging God and others for guidance. 

I didn't want to be angry, but couldn't bear to forgive. The lies, the scheming, the rebellion.

I knew I'd never felt such hurt... and would never experience such loss again.

I was wrong.


Little did I know, days later, I would experience loss again.

Forced to say "goodbye" when I was never given the opportunity to say "hello." 

Forced to let go of something I'd never gotten to hold. 

To experience the contractions.
To see the blood.
And still be left empty handed.

I know I'm just a statistic. That others know my pain.

But he was mine.

He was MINE...


So here I stand again. Well... more like curled in the fetal position... which is only too ironic. Begging God AGAIN for guidance.

Once again trying to understand.
Once again feeling like a failure.
Once again feeling betrayed.

So why do I share? 
Because, though our lives are played out on a stage before our family, friends, church, ministry and supporters, we experience very real hurt in ministry and in our personal lives. 

I want permission to cry and to be mad and to run away. 

And I want you pray.

Because I believe in a GOD that will dry my tears, and remind me that HE is near, and hold my sweet baby tighter than I ever could.

I know my GOD is a GOD of
HOPE
RESTORATION
and HEALING

and I want to experience these things first-hand in our family and ministry.

I miss him... 
though I don't exactly know what I'm missing. 

I don't think that'll go away. 
I hope that doesn't go away. 

Will you pray for our family and ministry?

CAMP, BABY!!!

He just can't control it.

It oozes from his soul and flows from his head to his toes.

Truth is, my child looooooves to dance.

Just the other night I was rocking Josiah to sleep on the porch since the lights were out. He was ALMOST asleep! Until the ice-cream truck, with its distinct music, came driving down our street.

He literally jumped out of my lap! He had to get his groove on! His feet, his head, his hands... everything had to move to the music!

Truth is, there is something that gets us going!

Sports, music, art... 

For us, it's working with young people.

Although they also get on my last nerves too, there is something that makes us want to get up and DANCE when seeing a teen's heart changed for the glory of GOD.

We had the blessing of seeing many of our local teens and others from surrounding churches come to a saving knowledge of CHRIST and rededicating their lives to the LORD. What a thrill to see young men and women being trained up for HIS glory!!!

About 275 arrived at camp on Tuesday, rearing and ready to go! With the help of the program team, the counselors and the Highlands staff we had an AMAZING week.

The games, the songs, the messages. All pulled together with the theme "I AM THIRD." for an incredible time. So much so that many young people went home in tears. 

Pray for those that had made decisions. Many don't live in a home that supports and encourages them in their mission to live godly lives. Pray that they will link up with a solid, Bible preaching church and that they might GROW!

Speaking of growing...

In case you haven't heard. My belly is growing. And although the food at camp was ON POINT, it wasn't the rice and beans... IT'S A BABY.

We're thrilled to announce our addition and we look forward to meeting him/her in February.

It appears we're already trying to fill our new-to-us van already, with our very own home-grown baseball team :)

Just kidding! But we are truly grateful for the van and how it has already been used in our ministry. We're currently looking for a trailer to store the baseball equipment on the back, but we'll post when that becomes available.

It seats about 15-20 and the interior was re-covered with material that wouldn't absorb the sweat of nasty baseball players. Heehee.

So now you're all up-to-date. And we'll have plenty more to share this coming week as we continue to serve alongside some precious friends and mission teams. SO STAY TUNED!!!